Sometimes March….comes in like a lion
and goes out like a lamb….
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But in other countries?
Sometimes March comes in like an emu…
Umm….Methane harvesting was the topic on this Forecast Earth segment.
Methane is already being harvested from some landfills…basically recovered as the trash rots. That sounds smart and it was the first I’d heard of it.
The funny case was methane recovery….from cows….
The cows producing methane and scientists predicting how much… is an old George Carlin bit from the 70’s..
Fart reclamation?…O, you know its coming
Farting bans in restaurants?…in the presence of minors?… can’t fart on the beach….or even in your own house..or car?
Maybe the restaurant thing can be handled old school with the separate but equal approach…“Yes Im Graham Wellington…and we’d like to sit in Non-Farting…..”….O Yes sir….right this way…..
Fast forward to inmates talking…What are you in for?…Farting in the presence of a minor…Class D felony in California………Yeah they said screw the pile of drugs….take him in on Farting …
Brown living….you heard it here first!
Oh, and the dinosaurs? and the ice age that killed them?
I knew it…it was Dinosaur farts…that caused the ice age.
So eat your chili with proper ventilation or you will kill us all!!!!
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I had to have something on here about Lovelines. I mainly experienced the radio version of the show (although there was an MTV version for a while). The show since Nov. 2005 has been Dr. Drew and Stryker (KROQ personality). Although Stryker makes a huge admirable effort, he just isn’t Adam Carolla. Adam has gone on to take over Howard Stern’s old spot on another LA radio station (free-fm).
The classic stuff from the show is on a site http://www.lovelinearchive.com
(This guy’s site is unfortunately on hiatus. Wait wait not so fast, On 8/17/2007, he posted the he changed bandwidth arrangements and will be back up in a few days Woot!! He points to another site with old shows, but I haven’t had the patience yet to figure out how to get into it. )
See the 11/9/2003 show which covers among other things, the scientific accomplishments of Hawaiians, LA weather and its prognosticators…(a classic Adam rant).
List of classic old school Lovelines bits:
– Germany or Florida?
(Callers, Adam and celebs help create a theme song for it…Best theme song by a caller btw…
Basically callers call in with a bizarre macabe news story and Adam, Drew and the guests vote..Germany,,,,or…..Florida)
– Pop Warner Football Coach
(“Let’s break it down everbody…everybody get a hand in…hey! that helmet’s not a chair….everybody get a hand in…)
– Smoke Detector Battery Alert…and oblivious caller
(“Uh my question is about my boyfriend’s”….<chirp>…”lack of sensual”…”Wait, Sarah…Drew was that a smoke detector?…Yep”…”Ok, Sarah hold on a minute…where are you?”..”By my bedroom..I don’t know”…”Ok, go stand by the hallway door..Is that where the detector is?”…”Yeah….”…”How long has it been making that chirp sound?”…”I don’t know…maybe a year..”…Ok Drew…3…2…1…<chirp>…yeah!! nailed it…30 seconds…Sentury Alert”
– Turning left on Red
( everyone within the sound of my voice….)
– Outpatient Hand Surgery
[This is my best effort to remember and paraphase this one.
Anyone know what show date/guest this bit was from? …….I think about January 2005??????]
(It starts over another topic, then Adam…Just wants to sign the waiver, that lets normal people avoid some of the excessive CYA “protections” and “safeguards” that every business and government procedure has in place now to avoid law suits.
Adam then relates his recent trip to an LA hospital for outpatient hand surgery. The hospital personnel inform Adam that he will need to remove ALL his clothes….and put on a paper gown with and open back gathered by two tie strings…for outpatient hand surgery.
So, Drew, now some dudes looking at my nads while he does outpatient hand surgery on me.
And here’s another thing, scientific improvements. Haven’t we had that same paper gown with the strings….for how long Drew? Like 200 hundred years? I want the inventors working on that. Leave my seat belt and open door stuff alone with that G D buzzer that wont stop going off if my seat belt isn’t secure and make a better hospital gown.
…I almost drove off the road I was laughing so hard during this one.
– You Gotta Earn Your Rank
This one started with people coming to California from other places and being deceived by city names that sound good but really arent that good, so Adam proposes a number ranking system. You gotta earn your rank. SunCity, you are 305…
He continued this ranking system after his rank about horrible LA weathermen and that he just wants an apology when the forecast is wrong. You gotta earn your rank. A proven weather prognosticator can make a five day forecast but other LA weathermen “pretty” boys can only describe the weather right now…in the studio…
– LA Weather…
Checkin around… Santa Monica 71, Hollywood 72… (was part of the earlier rant)
– Ace Man’s Ranchero Music countdown
( The engineer of the show would start a ranchero song and Adam, Drew and the guests would guess how many seconds into it that you would hear the accordion…yeah)
– Tommy Chong
(Basically they can’t guard the port of LA because every cop in Los Angeles is tracking the every movement and paraphenalia of Tommy Chong)
– Adam and …. Dr. Bruce
(Helped along by engineer Anderson’s “Drops”, Adam ‘interacts” with Dr.Bruce…who was a lil uptight)
– Attack Crows
Adam proposes a nature solution to personal protection and crime fighting.
– Gyno Sniffing Dogs
These will help you screen incoming party goers (ladies).
– Menka…is Asian big boob Queen! Who is numba one?
– Theme from porn movie “Taboo Two” “He’s got it all ….o yes he does………………he does it with style..”
– Department Store Gets Your Money For a Gift Card…
and now they got…policies…. Adam notifies them that he has a policy that he gets change back on a partially used gift card.
– Engineer Anderson’s “Drops”
(Anderson drops in sound bytes to spice things up…Dr Drew saying..Uh, You’re Fat)
…This was what made the classic radio show when Adam was there. You COULD NOT wait til the next show. I was usually driving around at night running errands and sometimes I just had to pull over, because I was laughing so hard.
It was funny that when Dr Drew and Stryker (and on a later show Adam) were on tomgreen.com …the almost first incoming skype call was about…Uhhh…When will Adam be back?
Here is a link for the post-Adam new shows:
WestwoodOne changed this to a new site June 13, 2007
http://www.lovelineshow.com/programhighlights
(Yeah this no longer works as of Feb 2008..nice)
This new site is a huge pain in the azz in which they are trying to make you pay for the Stryker version…Please….
Basically you can still listen to the whole show with links on the calendar and then “save” off the Audio Flash Player.
Otherwise you will “Pay” for full shows beyond 10 mins through itunes. Drew we surely hope is pissed about these F-holes F’ing with access to the show.
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Feb 3, 2008 I saw a posting from Anderson about people being pissed…and now I see why…. The jack holes at Westwood one have made it pay only for the Stryker version of Lovelines. hahahahha
But you can get a trucler’s hat..hahaha omg
Drew so has to be pissed…
I think westwood is a publicly traded company ….Need to post the address so people can let them know how much all this is appreciated….
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…More to come here as I get time…
Mahalo…
*** See my entry for Adam Carolla
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